The conversion to an imitation of Existentialism

English Journal
Creative writing
The conversion to an imitation of existentialism.
Asleep.
Its quietly refreshing. But hard to care. There's no motivation there, without emotion. Its kind of a numb, but pleasant emptiness. There is no purpose, no meaning, therefore no motivation. The emotion driving action and thought has been lost, is gone. All is left is a relaxed drift along the river, existance in the routine path of life. What would have been felt, what should have hurt, what guilt rebounds, is absent. It just really doesn't matter. Nothing does. Just a pair of eyeballs, floating relaxed on the breeze. There is no outer being, no vulnerable skin that exposes and reacts to emotion and being. Just simple observation of sound, noise, touch, hearing and taste, from an acknowledged inner core. Pleasure is taken from the difference in heat and cold. Nothing truly affects. There is just gentle appreciation of what is and what was, no regrets. Everything lives, and therefore it is beautiful. But, that central apprehension, that everything needs a purpose, and purpose that is currently niether seen nore felt. Worthlessness is immaterial and over done, for the central being is concrete, and controlled. There is no need, for feeling, per se. Just act and observe according to the moment, not dictation or precedence. Precedence does not, or rather should not, set action, for existance precedes essence. Existance creates, constructs essence. These moments and occurences are all that is given, and proper appreciation does not lie in the embodiment of chemical reaction. Blindness is a thing of creationism, science is a thing of perception, and faith is a thing of choice. Choice lies in belief, belief in choice, coresponding. The way action and observance is a reaction to the interaction of other events. This authenticity, the widening of eyes to see past the set naivety that controls race, allows for observance, and therefore authenticity in action. The core, acknowledged being, once having observed the percieved truth of the naiveity of outer events, can react accordingly, and according to the chosen faith or belief in the 'rightness' of that action, specifically in that it holds the value of being true to that core and belief. In summary, emotion creates blindness, and observance to the objective perception of outer events without that naivety of emotion allows for action that is authentic in being true to what is believed to be authentic beliefs.
Purpose does not necessarily matter, but moments and actions do. Action, effect, and responsibility for the consequences. Therefore, to a certain extent, action is easily dictated by consequence, and therefore precedence. Disregard to consequence allows for an authenticity to action, but must allow for responsiblity to be taken for consequence to action. An example; the killing of the Arab by Mersault in the Outsider. Without purpose, yet responsibility was taken for the consequence. Purpose does not need to dictate life, yet for most constructs it, and many will lose focus without purpose or meaning. Those without pre-constructed purpose or meaning, or those who choose to not construct a purpose or meaning, may in a sense be freer. They are free to move and act without precedence or conformity. Yet again, action without emotion allows for a larger measure of control, but with a sense of freedom, for emotion cannot dictate action. Moments may decide action, for example, things decided in the spur of the moment, without premediation on them. True freedom lies in action or decision without reflection on consequence or coresponding event, and without precedence.
In this view, the generally acknowledged and conformed view of what is right and what is wrong is blurred. Generally, action is dictated by the innate sense of rightness, what goes in agreement with precedence and others views, in order to advoid conflict. Any sort of disagreement with this conformity is labelled as wrong and disregarded in order to advoid conflict. Humans mostly want peace and acceptance, and it is this sense of belonging and purpose and the driving emotion behind it that has constructed these views of right and wrong. Even so, this perception of one side or the other varies from person to person, culture to culture. Within a particular group, agreement generally occurs in order to complete that sense of belonging, and those within the group eventually construct themselves in thier belief and action to conform with eachother, to advoid conflict, and to satisfy emotion that dictates that purpose and meaning is required for existance. Once purpose and meaning, and/or that driving emotion is lost, that questioning of shared beliefs and pre-dictated actions occurs, and observance of the authenticity of action and event can occur. Once the preconstructed conformity is lost within a certain group, the individual is allowed to fashion thier own set of choices, beliefs, actions, without the precedence of emotion or acknowledged purpose, or set function in being.

Existentialism is the philosophy of sensation, perception and construction, to accept full responisbility for our actions, and to embrace truth and the value of life. The theory is that all knowledge comes from sensory experiences, such as sight, hearing, smell, tough and taste, and that only things that are immediately percievable or capable of perception are real, outruling the value of abstaract labels (e.g. love or God) and thier existance. We may construct realms of being, categories or rules on the basis of fact, but they are biased constructions and have no external reality. Existentialists understand that each person has thier own set of beliefs and there is no condermnation or discrimination of those actions or beliefs unless cowardice in taking responsibility or false authenticity occurs.
Life, in the existentialist view, is absurd. It is devoid of purpose and meaning, but full of generalized conformity and superficialness. The need for explanation is constant within all things, the need for purpose and reason to organize what is in reality a world of chaos.